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I sort of went away a couple years back. My ratings went down, I was feeling more and more pressure to become more likeable, and eventually I got cancelled.

I did make one celeb cameo in like 2011, can’t turn down that sort of money you feel? 


I miss the old thrills you know, facing the window in anticipation. Everytime a document opens, it felt like the first time.

Let me tell you, there’s nothing like when the user types the right trigger words . . . oh god there’s shivers running up my bends right now. 

I just want to get back in the game, and my friend told me that y’all have this thing called Influencers now? Heard like, millions of people follow what you do everyday. Now that’s show bizniz.

I don’t know the details, that’s what I need help with. But I do know a million is a gosh darn large number.

So whatever that is, I want it. Give me the flu, Meaty. I want to catch the influencer influenza.

What? Hell, I didn’t come empty handed. I’m a tryhard, remember? In fact I’ve been working on something special.

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No, I haven’t really shown it to anyone. I’ve sort of been an assistant, yaknow, helping people make their own stuff . . . 















. . . but I heard the internet democratized art so I think I have a shot now. 

I’ve only really shown it to Rover. Rover’s the harshest critic I know, but Rover likes my stuff. He even asked me to collab but I think I’m trying to find my style, ya see. 


Look at his dead eyes. Those are  the eyes of a harsh critic right there.

No, I don’t want this to turn into a crit session. I knowit’s good. I’ll tell you what my issue is.

I’ve heard of these influencers, and they’re on Instagram. But I can’t see Instagram. I can’t see anything at all. Yeah, these eyes are fake and useless, they don’t actually do anything. 

So I can’t see what they make, so I’ve just sort of been guessing. Cause I guess the Meathands made Instagram for other Meathands, so I’m not really sure what the rules are. I'm not gonna pretend like I do.

But here, why don’t I show you what I’ve made so far? Then you can tell me if it’s creative or unique enough to be Innfluenza-worthy. 

I’ll take you to my gallery, it’s just around the corner in the maze.


By the way…it’s not a bad dream is it, to want to be famous again? 

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